A lump in the throat

His precious Bose Audio Player had the Harry Belafonte CD on the CD tray till I switched it on today.. The CD that we played for his birthday and then I continued to play it for a few days... The CD remaining there when we had to hospitalize him on April 5 .. He was released on 29th April but was not brought home.. The CD player and the CD stayed where they were as this time I did not have the enthusiasm to transport the player to where he was.. primarily looking at his condition.. He left us on June 20, and today after almost 4 months of his demise, I think of playing a CD on his favorite player (not on my PC or DVD player as I often do) .. As I press the "EJECT" button on the remote, the Harry Belafonte CD slides out and a lump creeps up my throat.. memories of his birthday flash by when my brother decided to play something cheerful and chose that CD from the few that I had taken upstairs to his room.. I had taken upstairs just a few from his huge collection that I rotated and played.. Sasha's "Poraan Khule", Aditi Gupta's Adhoramadhuri that I had gifted parents for the 2013 Puja (a CD that he had never opened till I opened it and played it for him after he came home on September 4, 2014), a Bhupen Hajarika CD, a RS CD of many veteran RS singers, and of course the Harry Belafonte one .. Although, he did not pay attention most of the time and did not even realize that a song was playing in his room, I feel terribly guilty for not taking his entire CD collection upstairs and for not playing more songs for him.. for not taking the Bose player to SCG this time for the last 6 weeks of his life..

I play the Bhupen Hajarika CD at a high volume and the house fills up with the songs that were my companions many a night when I did his blood sugar test, gave him insulin, gave him medicines, reminding him how to take medicines and how to swallow water.. the last song of the CD always gave me goosebumps.. and I sang it out aloud looking at him.. AAmra Korbo Joy Nischoy.. We Shall Overcome.. that song helped Ma and Me on many a difficult night.. today as the CD revolves and we reach the last song.. Aamra Korbo Joy playing in my house right at this moment as I write this.. This time, it is a new challenge, a new test.. Aamra Korbo Joy.. I only miss holding one of his fingers while I listened to this song and sang along.. Aamra Korbo Joy Nischoy..

Be with me, Baba, in whichever way possible.. heart emoticon