A post from Oct 13, 2014

Why on earth do I have brimming eyes when this talkative young nurse who has taken care of dad for 1 month and 3 weeks (in total) bids goodbye .. Maybe because she loved Baba, maybe because Baba loved her ..maybe because of Baba's puzzled expression when she tells him that she wont be coming from tomorrow... maybe because she had her own way of earning our affection despite often being scolded and disciplined.. maybe because she never made Baba or any of us feel that her concern was professional.. maybe because she had been with us in this journey in tougher times too (earlier when dad was in scg) .. she will be missed.. 

Baba's room and Jethu.. childhood returns in many different ways

Ever since Jethu has been visiting us since 1986 (the first visit that we remember, although he visited earlier which Bro and I do not remember), he has always slept in the Master Bedroom at our Jagannath Ghosh Road house.. by Master Bedroom I mean the bedroom of my parents, the room that Baba had designed for himself.
Throughout all his visits till the one in 1997/98 (which was the last time he met Thamma who passed away in 2000), Jethu had slept in Baba's room.

During later visits that started from my Bro's wedding in Jan 2006, Jethu had spent the nights at another of my uncle's apartment or at our flats at South City Gardens.

This afternoon I persuaded him to leave the drawing room couch and go to Baba's bedroom for his post-lunch nap. As I made the bed in a hurry, Jethu gave a content smile and said, "I have slept here so many times!"

I felt good throughout the noon that someone I love was sleeping in Baba's room.. the room is otherwise empty these days. These days I have a lethargy towards making tea as Baba is not there and I too cannot have it. This evening was different, as I made sure that tea was ready by 5-30 pm like old holidays or days of Baba's illness when he used to be at home. I loved it!

My BeTuraam and I

I first got to know him when he was 1.5 years old. That was the time when I got married to his uncle. This little boy and I stayed in the same house for around 5 months (on and off). That was the time when I realized that although otherwise known as naughty, my Beturaam was very very special. He had the kindest and the most sensitive heart and was extremely intelligent. He called me Bumma and he still does call me that. During our stay together, I always saw him rushing to my rescue whenever I was in pain, physical or mental. He was the one to give me a massage when I had fever and also the first one to come and hold my hand or hug me whenever I was hurt. It is almost 4.5 years that I have left that house. As all of you know I have never been a peaceful sleeper and my sleep is always disturbed by dreams or nightmares. During the painful separation and over the later years till today, I have never dreamed of his uncle as much as I have dreamed of him. Whenever, it had been a nightmare, I had called up and learned that something was really up. I got the chance to spend a few precious hours with this child today.. with my sweetheart Beturaam. He visited my place with his parents and little sister and I had a wonderful time. I can never thank his parents enough for making this possible. I love you Beturaam <3 span=""> This moment when you kept hugging me would remain with me forever and ever. I am so glad that there is no "divorce" between a Bumma and a Betu <3 span="">

Chhotomasi and Me

My dearest ChhoTo Masi or NabaNeeta Chakroborty -- I first met her in August 2011 when she came down to my place to meet me just after a marriage between her nephew and myself had got fixed.. She touched a cord in my heart that evening when she said "tomaar jeta ichhe habe setai korbe" (you will pierce your nose only if you wish to). Our next proper meeting was on the train when we were about to travel to Ranchi, on the night after the wedding, in the same compartment. As Baba bade me goodbye, assuring me "Kono chinta nei" (there is nothing to worry), Masi repeated the same words and gave me the most assuring smile. Instantly, a saree-clad new bride had the courage to ask a new masi-in-law, "Can you please climb to the upper berth, so that I can take the lower one?" She smiled and did that instantly. There began a new friendship, a new relationship, that went beyond "family ties". The next 4 days, she was my savior every moment.. an expensive saree tangled around me .. all I had to do was peep through the bedroom door and ask, "Masi ektu aasbe?" (Masi, can you please come?).. She did everything for me, offered every help that I needed in the new place.. the day she left, it felt as if my mother was leaving..

Our third meeting was 4 months later when she visited Ranchi with her entire family for her son's Sacred Thread.. My marriage was already in the doldrums and she knew the reason and everything else.. The way she tried to save the marriage was beyond my expectation.. You cannot expect one to go against her own kin and support a girl from a different family! But, she did that constantly. She counseled me and counseled everybody else who lacked emotion.. and she did that constantly for the 7 days that she stayed there.. I can still feel the warmth with which she requested people to keep the friendship first, and the marriage would survive automatically was her hope..

When I had given up all hope, but did not want to break the cruel news to my parents, especially because Baba was unwell at that time, I had requested her if I could stay at her place without letting anyone know.. Well, I had made this request to a few of my family members and cousins.. nobody had the courage to say "yes", nobody had the courage to say "no" (most avoided contact for months.. others behaved as if they did not understand my request).. But, this extraordinary woman, on hearing my request, did not even bat her eyelid once! Her reply was, "Yes, for as long as you want! My house is your house!" .. and she hugged me.

No, I finally did not stay at her place (just visited once in April 2012 only to meet her).. and I met her on this 27th September, 2016 (when she visited my place on the last day of our just concluded exhibition).. I met her after more than 4 years! (We have connected on FB and found each other a few months back)!

Never did it feel that we were meeting after such a long time, and after so much had transpired in my life! Never did it feel that she was not my Masi or my own mother <3 span=""> .. When I bade her goodbye, on that autumn evening, my heart was full.. I was again thankful to life that no law had been able to "divorce" Masi and me :)

September 8

September 8, 2006: I was released from Belle Vue Clinic after Dr Manoj Agarwal saved my life from a fatal viral diarrhea and severe anemia. Over the last ten years, he has treated almost my entire family and despite being the busiest of doctors have always answered my phone calls, requests, and text messages. I am one of those rare people who can walk into his clinic and tell his veteran assistant that I want to meet him, and I am allowed just like that!! Yes, it happened today only, as it had happened earlier.. particularly on June 19, 2015 (the day before Baba left us), when he kept my request and left all his work to see Baba ..

September 8, 2016: On reaching Belle Vue with Ma and Bro (as Ma was scheduled to have an angiograph today), I suddenly realized that today was the 8th of September, exactly 10 years of my release on recovering from the scary disease. After the cause of our visit today yielded relieving results (i.e. the angiograph revealed that another angioplasty was not needed), I had my lunch. I was on my own, as my brother had left for work and Ma was taken back to the ICU for rest and observation. After the nice filling lunch with uttapam and ice-cream, I decided to buy a chocolate for my favorite doc. On returning to Belle Vue, I entered Dr Manoj Agarwal's clinic and asked his assistant Shrabani whether I could meet him. Shrabani sighed and gave in. I went in and stood in front of his chamber as the door was closed and I could hear voices inside. After a couple of moments, he rushed out with long strides and I interrupted him, giving him the chocolate and mentioning the significance of today's date. Then I touched his feet. He was astonished and said, "10 years, already!" Then he asked about my health and gave me some valuable pieces of suggestion.
Soon, it was the visiting hour. I met Ma and narrated the incident to her and she looked glad that I paid my respect to a priceless doctor.

After the visiting hour was over, Bro wanted to have an ice-cream and we entered the eatery just opposite Belle Vue. He chose an ice-cream and I chose pomegranate juice and it was an enjoyable evening chatting with my brother while we devoured our choices. Although it was a jolt when we got the bill, it will be an evening to remember. In fact, it will be a day to remember.

On September 8, 2006, Baba and Bro had brought me home while Ma waited for me with her fish stew. Today, on September 8, 2016, Baba not being there, Bro and I did our best to be there with Ma. And I paid my respect and thankfulness to my doctor, marking a 10-year milestone, which made me feel good, really good. Tomorrow, Bro will bring Ma home and I will wait for her with my fish stew.

Post from July 7th, 2015

Prithiviraj Dasgupta was the 2nd visitor to our home who came to pay respect to Baba on the morning of Baba's Shraddh on June 30. He spread the garland, paid his homage, sat for a few minutes and left. Just as I watched him leave, I realized something strange.. a very very strange fact! Baba had attended Prithiviraj's annoprashon (first rice-eating ceremony held at 6 months of a child's age) in 1977 and Prithiviraj attended Baba's Shraddh in 2015, never having met each other on any instance during their entire life-spans. I did not get to dwell on this realization as visitors trickled in.

Today, as Ma and I were sitting at their place, Apala Dasgupta mentioned that Prithiviraj had a realization this morning. As Prithiviraj spoke, I found myself listening to what I had realized on the morning of Baba's Shraddh. Even Prithiviraj and Apala were as amazed as I was to see this strangeness.. Baba, as an architect employed in Kothari Associates, getting invited by developer Prabir Gupta for his first child's Annoprashon (cherishing the beginning of his child's life), a visit and treat Baba clearly remembered and spoke about (around 2009) due to the hugeness of the "lyangcha" that got served on that occasion.. and Prithiviraj having become and stayed my friend under the most unexpected and unusual of circumstances, attending Baba's Shraddh (marking the end of Baba's life on earth). It is stranger, that although Baba had met Apala on a couple of occasions when she visited our house, and Prithiviraj had visited our house around 2009-2011 on a couple of evenings when he had met Ma, Buro and Sayari, Baba and Prithiviraj had never met each other!

"We get only that much that we are supposed to get. Only that much happens that is supposed to happen." Prithiviraj summed up.

Thanks Aurna for just being there.. Thanks to life for keeping Apala Dasgupta and Prithiviraj Dasgupta as my "friends", despite every reason of it happening otherwise.. Thanks for a place that Ma agreed to go to, after all the disappointment I had over Sunday evening.. Thankful that I could take Ma out of home first to the bank, then to Gariahat, and then to meet Aurna.. Thankful for the few smiles and laughs that I could see from her, after her severe depression over the last couple of days.. 

Aasa Jaoar Maajhe - July 5, 2015

Went to South City Mall to watch "Aasa Jaoar Maajhe" .. A place where I have never watched a film without Baba.. Yes, I did feel his absence, but then, I also felt his presence.... As he was a movie-addict and loved going to multiplexes, today from the very beginning I felt his presence around me.. It is a film that is "BEAUTIFUL" to say the least.. It shows how little is actually needed.. It is a film for those who do not chatter in movie theaters.. It is a film for those who love good cinema.. It is a lesson for those who are dissatisfied for not getting enough from their relationship.. SO little is actually needed to be satisfied, to be at peace, to be in love, to stay in love, to give, to receive.. If you want to.. if you know how to.. Thanks Aditya Vikram Sengupta, Ritwik Chakraborty, and @Basabdatta Chatterjee for this unique film! Kudos to the debut director for this wonderful creation! Every award this film has won and will win is well-deserved.. I only had a small doubt whether the international audience could grasp the entire essence of the film without the translations of "tumi je aamar" and "nishi raat baanka chaand" in the sub-titles..

I can write volumes about the entire experience of today's watch and how it all unfolded.. how Ma ignored all my requests and stayed back home.. how helpless I felt to realize that I cannot make her feel better even if I want to.. But, then, I am stubborn, as everybody who knows me well is aware.. So, I will keep trying..

Ranabir Ray, thanks for buying the tickets .. could sell Ma's.. no money was "wasted"..

from the Evening of June 19th to the Noon of June 20th, 2015

June 19th - June 20th, 2015:: The journey to and fro Belle Vue had not allowed us to have lunch.. My brother had also not been able to attend office once since morning.. So, after the nurse settled Baba on his bed, Ma and I went out with my Bro.. We dropped him at office when he assured us that he would have something to eat soon.. Ma and I entered Banana Leaf at Lake Market and we were so famished that we forgot the entire world and ate as if we had not seen food for years.. After coming out from the eatery, Ma bought some vegetables and some essential utensils, and we started for Kasba.. On our way, we got a call from my bro that he was feeling too tired and would like to be picked up as early as possible.. He assured us that he would arrange Baba's meds and nebulizer the next morning. Ma dropped me home and sped off, realizing that Baba was alone with the nurse for a long time..

I had been having sleeping troubles for the past few days, and even my trusted relaxant was not working.. As soon as Ma left, I took a thorough shower, came online on FB for just a few minutes, shut off the computer, turned on the television and spread myself on the sofa.. I chose Romedy Now that was airing a movie.. I remember almost nothing after that.. I slept like a zombie.. Once in a while I was opening my heavy eyelids .. During one such attempt, I realized that the earlier movie had ended and a new one had started. But, I could not keep my eyes open. It seemed as if all the meds that I had been having on the previous nights, in vain, suddenly started to work altogether.
Somebody knocked the door loudly. It was the cook. I told her that she did not need to come in as I was full and would not be having dinner. I could hear her leave and again dozed off.
I got up around 1-30 a.m.! I went upstairs and closed the door of the terrace and the balcony and switched off all the lights. Deciding to continue my sleep on the sofa, I came to the ground floor, and before dozing off again, I kept my phone on the adjoining table. I usually do not sleep with the phone nearby. It was a terribly disturbed sleep throughout the night. I kept having nightmares that my mother and brother were bumping on the door, calling me and telling me that Baba needs to be hospitalized. This nightmare repeated a number of times!

I woke up at the sound of my phone ringing. It was Ma calling and it was 7 a.m.! My heart stopped for a moment. As I answered the call, Ma frantically informed me that my Pisi had to be hospitalized and needed an angioplasty so my bro had rushed off to Apollo as soon as he had got the news. He was accompanied by another brother, Dino. The first question I asked was, "How is Baba? Is the sound still coming from his chest? Did he cough the whole night?" My mother assured me that the sound was not there and according to the nurse Baba had slept well with very little coughing. Ma told me, that as she spoke to me, Baba was sleeping peacefully. I felt assured.

I called my brothers once to ask about my Pisi's surgery. Then, I got online. It was too early for me to wake up. The previous evening's sleep was making me feel somewhat refreshed and I had an early breakfast. I asked my clients whether they would want me to write something. It was too early for them as well. I found myself commenting on pictures and posts, engaging in online chitchats, and whiling away the time. Around 10-25 a.m., I received another call from Ma informing me that my Pisi's surgery had been successful. However, I had already got that information and told Ma so.

Around 10-30 a.m., Sohini Basak Auddy sent me work and I started gathering the materials. Soon, I began writing the article. It was 10-45 a.m., and my phone again started to ring. It was Ma, again. As I answered the call, I heard her panic-stricken and broken voice telling me that Baba was not able to breathe. "Roll the hospital bed up and give him a sitting posture!" I shouted. Ma said that that had already been done. I asked for my sister in law and told her to call the nearest nursing home for a oxygen cylinder. She said, "You come down". I called up my brother. I heard his broken voice helplessly telling me that he was far far away. He said, "I know.. I hope they are making him sit up". I again called up Ma. She was crying frantically and told me that she did not think anything could be done! I sprung up, shut down the computer, and got myself out of my nightdress. I tried to call my neighbor from my window with the intention of asking them whether I could borrow their car to go to SCG. Nobody answered. I got out with numb legs, locked the house, and went to their place. As I asked them about their car, I learned that the car had left long ago. I almost ran to the rickshaw stand. My whole body was shaking. A rickshaw took me to the taxi-stand. The cab-driver was happy that I had a long distance to go. I asked him whether he would have a change of Rs 500. He declined and told me to find a different cab. I pleaded and told him about my father. He gave in. I tried to call my brother. Nobody was picking the phone up. After a long time, Dino picked up the phone and told me that they were still on the way trying to reach SCG as soon as possible. He told me that they had called a doctor's team and an ambulance that would reach Baba soon.

As I reached SCG, I found that I had enough change to give to the cab driver. Dino was waiting for me in the driveway. "Would we be able to do something?", I asked him. He assured me, "The doctors are coming". I took the elevator to the 10th floor. The door of the flat was wide open and I could heat Ma whimpering. I threw my bag on the sofa and entered Baba's room. The hospital bed was flat and Baba was not wearing a shirt. I had never seen him in such a vulnerable and helpless state, before! "Can't we do anything?", I screamed. The nurse came near me and softly uttered, "He expired at 11-05 a.m." I had reached 55 minutes after Baba had passed away. Darkness descended and I had a terrible outburst that I would not like to remember.

Baba's Last Eye Contact with Me ..

June 19, 2015:: An observation room had been arranged at Belle Vue for Baba, so that all his doctors could visit that room and check him up once.. When I reached the room, Dr. Rajan Tondon, the surgeon who had done Baba's debridement had already done his checkup.. Ma told me that the doctor had asked Baba, " How are you, Mr. Ray?" and Baba had replied, "Bhalo aachhi".

A certain sound was emanating from his chest for the last couple of days, and so we were waiting for a chest specialist to see him.. Meanwhile, I ran to Dr. Manoj Agarwal and requested him to see Baba once.. I thought it was important as Dr. Agarwal was the one who cured Baba of the severe stomach upset that he had after the debridement.. I also went to Pradip Tondon, the respected CEO of Belle Vue, and requested him to arrange an eye-check-up for Baba.. He was prompt and kind enough to arrange that..

While we waited for the Chest Specialist, we learned that all the senior chest specialists had already left.. A junior chest doctor came and examined Baba.. He said, putting Baba on a nebulizer might solve the problem.. It was decided that the nebulizer would be arranged at South City Garden..

We went for the eye checkup, but nothing could be found as Baba was unable to respond.. Twice, we met Dr. Subrata Maitra, Baba's trusted chest specialist, who warmly paid his respects to Baba.. but, he was not seeing patients those days..

Soon, we were on our return journey to South City Garden.. I had wanted to come back to Kasba straight, but my bro asked me to accompany them in the ambulance to SCG.. I will remain eternally thankful to him for the suggestion and to myself for listening to him, as that allowed me to spend my last minutes with Baba..

As the ambulance got out of the gate of Belle Vue, I saw Baba's eyes widely open. I told him, "Baba we are leaving Belle Vue". He could feel the motion and kept his eyes open for quite some time.. I asked my Bro whether we could take Baba to his office once.. but, he declined.. I swallowed down my wish to bring Baba to Kasba house once as well.. ..

On reaching SCG, it was quite a struggle to take Baba to the 10th floor... He was startled and shaken, again and again.. Settling him in his bed was another challenge..

The nurse, while changing Baba's clothes, sought my help, and I helped her in turning Baba on his side.. He again got startled and scared, and looked at me with wide open frightened eyes.. I comforted him, "It is me, Baba.. we are just changing your shirt". He felt relieved and closed his eyes. That was my last eye contact with my Baba. I never knew that Baba would never look into the eyes of his beloved Mago, ever again.

sei sab dingulo

সেদিন আবার একটা ফুটো করলো ওরা --
কী যেন কারণ বুঝিয়েছিল আমাদের,
কী যেন উপকার হবে বলেছিল,
সে-সব আজ আর মনে নেই...
দু-বছর আগে, ২০১৪-র ১৯ মে,
আমরা আশায় বুক বেঁধে দেখলাম -আবার একটা ফুটো করলো ওরা।

আজ, দুবছর পর -
আমি একডালিয়ার মোড়ে
থমকে দাঁড়াই!
কালোজাম ঝুড়িবর্তি!
কিনে নিই, বাবার জন্য -
ভাবা মাত্রই হোঁচট।
নেই।
যে কালোজাম খেত,
যার জন্য গতবছরও
কিনেছি, যখন যেখানে পেয়েছি,
সে আর নেই।

পাশের ঝুড়িতে ফুলের মালা।
"একটা বেলীফুলের মালা দাও, মাসি" -
গলাব্যথাটা গিলে নিয়ে,
আজ তোমার ছবির জন্যই ...

দুবছর আগে, তোমার দ্বিতীয় অপারেশনের পর
ক্লান্ত আমরা, চিন্তায় অবসন্ন...
বাড়ি ফিরে হাসপাতালে ফোন,
"কেমন আছেন?"
নার্সের বাঁধা গতে উত্তর,
"একইরকম"।
শুয়ে পড়ি, ভোরে উঠেই
হয় ভাই ফোন করবে, নয় আমি।

ফোনের শব্দে চমকে ঘুম ভাঙে!
২০মে, ২০১৪। ঘড়ি না দেখেই ফোন ধরি।
সেজোমাসি চলে গেছে ভোররাতে,
বড়ো অবহেলায়, বড়ো অভিমান নিয়ে।

সেজোমাসিকে শেষ দেখা
(যে দেখা না দেখলেই ভালো ছিল)
দেখতে মা-কে নিয়ে গাড়িতে চলেছি,
বাবা-র আজ জ্ঞান ফিরবে তো?
কে জানে!

Baba's Craniotomy Surgery at Apollo on May 7, 2014

My FB Post On the day of Baba's ominous Craniotomy Surgery at Apollo.. the evening we left with hope for a better tomorrow, but in vain..

I think none of us can ever thank Mainak Sasmal and ChhoTobuRo (Ranajit) enough for the way they stand beside us at every hour of need.. they are brothers to us, in every sense of the term "brother" - "thanks" is a v small word when it comes to the tireless hours that you stand by us providing immense support and priceless services at every crisis that we face..

"Sometimes we feel eaten away, worn away" --- Joyadidi -- A post written by me on May 7, 2015.

Last June, when Jethu reached India, I received a neck-piece lovingly created and sent by you. I saw a tag attached that said "Piyali" in your unforgettable handwriting that has always remain etched in my memory since 1986, the first time I got to know you! Later, during your parents' visits too, you have written to me. Then came the note that you wrote to me when Jethu was coming down in 2011. I remember having a sister-to-sister chat too, here on FB. See, how I am drifting!

Let me get back to the topic. I kept that sachet containing the neck-piece carefully in a covered shelf in my room. Today, almost after a year of receiving it, while I was looking for the big pink one that you had sent me in 2006, I bumped into it. I thought, who needs to wear matching colors with a pink top! Let me wear this one! As I opened the sachet, took the piece of jewelry out, unclasped it to remove the tag, I found the side, reverse to the one on which "Piyali" was written, jam-packed with beautifully written letters.

As I read, "Sometimes we feel eaten away, worn away. But those things that wear us down reveal ourselves to us. They create intricacies of unimaginable beauty and strip us down to who we truly are.", I felt a lump rising in my throat and I almost choked.

I have never talked to you over the last 3 and a half years. I have never shared anything with you. We are separated by continents and what-not! But, the way your words hugged me today. made me feel that we are all connected if we want to be. We can touch anyone's soul, if we want to. Distance does not matter, neither does any kind of difference. At that serene hour in the afternoon, in an empty house, as I was setting out to treat myself to a movie, I felt your love so strongly! We did not need to speak, we did not need to meet physically. But, I had you there with me. And I realized that I have had you always with me. I love you, Joyadidi. I am choking again, as I write this.

So much so, it was when I was going to watch a film titled "Nirbaak" (meaning Speechless).. a film on how love needs no word!

Happiness Was.. A Father who said "Delicious" to Everything I Cooked..

Aug-2014, my oblivious Baba, on drinking a cup of sugar-free liquor tea made by me, said "Excellent!" It was a surprise as he hardly spoke at that time.. A bigger surprise came in end-March 2015, when he ate up all the noodles that I had cooked for his dinner (during a phase when he was rejecting all food), looked at me and said, "Bheeshon Sundor hoyechhe, Mago"..

Miss you Badly, Baba

The Last Night We Had a Fit Baba at Home

The night of April 29, 2014 (exactly 2 years back) was the last night when we had a fit Baba at home. He came back from office and starting watching an IPL match.. an IPL addict he was. He was watching the TV upstairs while Ma was watching her serials downstairs. I had gone out to buy a few essentials. On my way back home, a crow pooped on my head and a wet dirty cockroach flew to me and licked my face. I entered home, feeling disgusted and rushed to take a thorough shower. I was in the bathroom washing myself and my hair for quite some time. When I got out of my room, Baba did not even look at me once, forget about asking what took so long. He was so engrossed in the match!
Soon, it was 11-30 pm and the match was yet to be over. Ma had been calling Baba for dinner for quite some time. Baba came down only after the match was over. Then he ate slowly as he always would. After dinner was over, he boiled some milk which he did meticulously each night, let the milk cool a bit, sipped it slowly. Then he went upstairs, telling me "Mago, aami upore jaachhi". I was downstairs watching TV and he had made it a ritual to tell me this every night when he went to sleep, since the time I came back from Ranchi.
I could hear him having his medicines and making his bed and then after some time I realized that my parents had fallen asleep. The last night when I had my fit Baba at home.

last day of the Bengali Year -- years back...

বর্ষশেষ... চৈত্র-অবসান... এই সন্ধেটা এলেই মনে পড়ে যায় অনেক বছর আগের এক চৈত্রশেষের সন্ধে ... শান্তিনিকেতনের মন্দিরে (বেলজিয়াম গ্লাসের উপাসনা গৃহে)... অপূর্ব একটি অনুষ্ঠানের আয়োজন... মন্দিরের বাইরে থেকে শুধু শোনা যাচ্ছিল এস্রাজ আর সেতারের মীড়... দেখা যাচ্ছিল না কোনও শিল্পীকে... শুধু দেখা যাচ্ছিল বাদ্যযন্ত্রগুলির উপরাংশ ... মন্দির-ঘেরা নীচু পাঁচিলে জ্বলছিল সারিবাঁধা মোমবাতি... শুরু হয়েছিল অল্প ঝোড়ো বাতাস আর পাতার মর্মর ধ্বনি ... কিন্তু বাতাসে নেভেনি একটিও মোমবাতির শিখা... আমরা পৌঁছেছিলাম ৬-৪৫ এ... আমি, বাবা, মা, কোয়েল... বসেছিলাম মন্দিরের বাইরের সিঁড়ির ধারে ধারে... ঠিক সন্ধে ৭টায় প্রথম গান শুরু হল মন্দিরের ভিতরে... আজ আর মনে নেই কী কী গান হয়েছিল, কিন্তু মনে আছে অশ্রুত না-জানা গান বেশ কয়েকটা... অসাধারণ কন্ঠ ও গায়কী শিল্পীদের ... নাম জানিনা তাঁদের... না, দেখিওনি তাঁদের... শুধু তাঁদের গান শুনেছিলাম মুগ্ধ, আবিষ্ট হয়... মন্দিরের মতো একটি অপার্থিব স্থানে... চৈত্রশেষের অস্থির বাতাসে... পাতার মর্মর ধ্বনির মধ্যে ..ঠিক এক ঘন্টার অনুষ্ঠান... সেই সন্ধেটি ভোলার নয় ... সেদিন রাত্রে তুমুল ঝড় আর বৃষ্টি ।। আমি আর কোয়েল এমনিতেই গল্প-আড্ডা সেরে চোখ বন্ধ করেছি অনেক রাতে, তারপর অদ্ভুত কিছু শব্দে আর স্বপ্নে ঘুম হয়নি... পরদিন ভুবনডাঙ্গা মাঠের প্রভাতী অনুষ্ঠানে যাওয়া হলনা আমাদের, উঠতে দেরী হয়ে গেল সকলের... মনে যেন চৈত্রশেষের অনুষ্ঠানের রেশ রয়ে যায়, তাই যেন এই ঘটনা... মন্দিরের সেই চৈত্র সন্ধ্যা ভুলবনা কোনদিন ... বাবা, এরকম কত অজস্র স্মৃতি তৈরি হয়েছে, শুধু তোমার জন্য... প্রতি বছর এই দিন সেই সন্ধ্যের কথা মনে পড়ে আমার... কোয়েল, আমি, মা, তুমি...

Rest in Peace, Doctor Subrata Maitra!

Rest in Peace, Doctor Subrata Maitra!

You were one of those whom my father trusted completely since his first episode of hospitalization in February 2010 from pneumonia. Once he got cured by you, he developed a habit of trusting you with every kind of problem, be it Chest-related (your area of specialization) or not, over the following years.

I have seen the affection that you have had for our entire family, especially my brother, whom you almost considered your nephew. It had been a pain-stricken journey for you since the tumor and the cancer started growing in the brain around November 2014 or prior to that.

During my father's prolonged hospitalization in last year April, you have visited his room a number of times, leaving the decision-making and treatment plans to your team members, as you stayed away from critical decisions. I remember having risen from my seat in the waiting lounge whenever I have found you coming and you always assuring with the warmest empathy.

You came to see Baba on June 19, 2015, when we had taken him for a checkup at Belle Vue. Later on, you again ran into us when we were taking him for an eye examination. You touched him and made a gesture of a pronaam, saying, "aamar katodin-er chena maanush". Baba passed away the next morning. And you passed away this afternoon, giving in to cancer, that you have been fighting over the last 1.4 years or so. We, gradually, losing a generation of people who were affectionate towards us, who gave us the warmest of hugs on the toughest of days, seeing whom we stood respectfully, people who could be relied upon. Today, I am flooded with a deluge of memories most of which include my father, as you were his most trusted doctor, till the time he knew what to think.

There is a drawer full of small colorful envelopes in my room, envelopes that I am yet to throw out. One of those says, "With Best Wishes - Dr. Subrata Maitra". I remember the moment you gave me that and the token of blessings that was in there.

Rest in Peace, Dr. Maitra! You were family to us, and today I feel the pain of losing a family member. I am glad that my brother could visit you to pay his respect before the last rites. He owed you this. The many scenes of you hugging him affectionately getting replayed in my mind. heart emoticon

I know who would be the Happiest to have you up there!

only the Movie remains the same

A FB post written 2 years back:

Its strange how the walls of the room, the bed and the one with whom you have previously watched a movie change when you re-watch that movie after a couple of years.. everything changes, life changes, the movie remains the same bearing memories of the chitchats that accompanied the previous watch.. Nargis Fakhri's "Welcome to Prague" followed by a "welcome to where?" .. Rockstar...

that evening with SIddharth

Yeah, it indeed was a very special evening.. very memorable.. I remember every bit of it, even today .. do not change yourself, ever, Siddharth Banerjee heart emoticon..

I remember a very worried Baba waiting for me at home.. He started typing a sms to my brother, the moment I reached home heart emoticon My Baba!

two years back: March 9, 2014:

HAPPINESS.. is meeting the simple, down-to-earth, non-judgmental, unassuming

, 

unpretentious Siddharth Banerjee, roaming through New Market, shopping like a breeze,

having phuchka and fruit juice, shopping more, chatting thru' long taxi rides..and almost 

returning to childhood (aptly described by Mona)..well, I guess it was such a fun evening only 

because both of us keep matters simple and hate complications..we dont judge people by 

the 

dresses we wear, way we look, or brands we flaunt.. We dont need to speak much and still 

touch the right chords.. Thanks for the lovely evening, dear Bro.. will always remember this 

one.. i guess the fact that there was no one else to look at and judge me was my biggest 

comfort factor.

Visiting Banlu Pisi.. Creating Memories.. Jethu's 2016 Visit - March 4

Ma insisted that I must inform Banlu-Pisi about Jethu's visit. She said, had Baba been here, he would have taken Jethu to meet Banlu-pisi, without fail. I agreed. Mago, Jethu's mother, and Fu-Thamma, Banlu-pisi's mother were twins. Bani-Rani - they were called. I tried to imagine the kind of genes and stories they shared among themselves, and felt intrigued.

Jethu and I visited Banlu-Pisi's place at Neelachal Abasan, which is just a 10-minute drive away from our place. Banlu-Pisi was right when she said that had Thamma been alive, she would have been a regular visitor to this place, as she used to frequently visit her Tivoli Court and Jodhpur Park houses.

We spent a wonderful time at Banlu-Pisi's, Jethu getting to interact properly with Pisemoshai for the first time ever. So many stories, anecdotes, and pieces of history got mentioned and I found it engrossing. I have always been quite an introvert before Banlu-Pisi, but that day I surprised myself as I asked her questions and chipped in with stories that I knew or remembered.

It was a heartwarming session and it will stay with me. I am thankful that I got to spend this time with all of them, and with Jethu. Banlu-Pisi and Pisemoshai are eager to visit 33/2 Beadon Street, Bholanath Dham, Beadon Street some time soon and I said I would go with them as I feel familiar to the place after having visited it with Jethu and Anjoli in 2014. :)smile emoticon

Once we were back home, Jethu dozed off. I gave him a head massage and felt grateful to life for presenting me with these opportunities. Sometimes giving a massage is as satisfying as receiving one.  heart emoticon

Soon after lunch, it was time for Jethu to leave. Still he made it a point to give me that wonderful shoulder massage which he repeated yesterday as well when he came down for just a few minutes.

He is leaving tomorrow. And I am missing him already. In fact, since yesterday morning, I am fighting my pangs of depression :( frown emoticon

Love you, Jethu! 

Re-living the Excitements of Jethu's First Visit - Shopping with Jethu - Jethu's 2016 Visit, March 2

Jethu was supposed to reach our house around 11 am today and I was getting ready in a hurry. The maid, enjoying her Darjeeling trip, has ensured that my morning disappears in a jiffy, washing clothes and sweeping floors.

When I came downstairs, I found Jethu sitting on Baba's sofa with his legs stretched on to the centre table just like Baba used to sit. Then I looked at his face and saw that he has dozed off. This was exactly the same way Baba used to doze off, sitting at the same place, while he waited for Ma and I to get ready before we went out to some place.

A few seconds later, Jethu opened his eyes and said he liked the way I looked. I asked him, "Do I look like a hippie?" And he said, "No, you look perfectly normal". tongue emoticon .. Before Ma got ready and came downstairs, Jethu had again dozed off a couple of times and I heard Ma guessing from upstairs, "Chhorda ki ghumiye porlo?" See, we are used to the men catching a few winks while we get ready (although I take just 5 minutes after my shower gets over :P)!

When we reached Gariahat Market, our first stop was the Manoranjan Hosiery, my father's favorite hosiery store. He bought all his vests, lungis and undergarments from here and the prices of some of the mercerized cotton lungis and vests (due to their awesome quality and comfort factors) would shock us. Years back, Baba had brought Jethu to this shop where Jethu had begun his ritual of buying stacks of vests and lungis on each of his visits. Today, as Jethu struggled to remember the names of the brands that Baba made Jethu buy, Ma and I supplied the names that had been so familiar to us, courtesy Baba's obsession with buying these. (Even today, there are a few unopened packets in Baba's wardrobe that contains brand new socks and vests.)

Ah! The joy of accompanying Jethu while he shops! There is absolutely no joy in this world that can compete with it! For the next 45 minutes or so, in that hosiery shop, I re-lived my childhood. I was thrown back to 1986 when I had first experienced how Jethu shops and how wonderful it is to be with him! I was soaking in every moment, realizing what Baba used to enjoy and what Thamma used to get annoyed with smile emoticon ! Ma referred to Baba, saying, "He used to by all these brands. He was very particular about the things he wore.". Jethu replied, "HE was the one who had brought me here!". The shop-owner, recognizing Jethu from all his previous visits, kept showing things untiringly while various sizes of various things got chosen.

From Manoranjan to the Steel Utensils shop, to Haldiram food city (where we had an awesome lunch), to New Barnali (our new discovery, courtesy Ma's craft) (where Jethu bought various kinds of beads for the excellent jewelry-maker Joya-didi), to the Batik shop (where various sizes of a large number of Batik Kurtis were bought), to the Palazzo Shop, we had a wonderful time. Worried as Jethu and I were for Ma's health and knees, Ma, touch wood, was in good mood and surprised us. This has always been the magic of Jethu, on Ma, on all of us.

It was a wonderful afternoon, seeing Ma smiling and talking, seeing Jethu in his usual shopaholic self, watching Jethu enjoy the lunch, being with Jethu, re-living the childhood excitements, having the rare feeling of being guarded by two guardians (their eyes always looking for me whenever I was away for a while), feeling happy, satisfied, warm, and content. Jethu said, he does the easiest job, that of paying the money, as we do the difficult job of choosing things. I, on the other hand, pointed out that we get to enjoy all the benefits of retail therapy without having to pay a pennywink emoticon

Jethu has already thanked us (I don't know why??!) twice for today, while he dropped us home and just some time back over the phone. And I take this opportunity to thank HIM for what he has already so rightly described as a truly "spectacular" day.

I was unhappy during Jethu's 2014 trip as I had been unable to accompany him on most of his shopping expeditions. I never knew that I would get compensated with today! smile emoticon Immensely thankful for today, as we always should be.

Jethu you are special, and you must take care of yourself. So, NO Sweets from tonight! Both Joya-didi and I insist!